我很討厭老是洋洋自得、「自我感覺良好」的人,熟識的人一定都知道。

有人覺得自己很忙碌,外人看他一定像成功人士,就老是自我感覺良好。我也很忙很累,也許搞不清狀況的外人也會羨慕我,但我總是隱隱因此感到羞恥,或是覺得自己神經有問題,才會繼續作忙碌的工作。

我每天的工作內容,從沒有一件事情能讓世界美好一點,當然這樣也沒關係,可是為一個對社會沒有任何貢獻的工作,讓自己變得疲累又不健康,感覺很不值。

上班的日子裡,身邊的人對我而言幾乎沒有存在感,只是畫面。這種孤獨感絕對不是那種沒有男女朋友的哀哀叫,而是因卡在某個爛劇本產生的無奈與無力。當周圍同一齣劇的演員演得盡力,大家都覺得編導實力堅強、找他們演出真是恩同再造的時候,我只能謹記Joni Mitchell的教誨:”If you care, don’t let them know. Don’t give yourself away.”

覺得自己隨時都有融化掉的可能。而融化的當兒我將在哪裡呢?也許一個人在家裡、一個人在捷運上、一個人在公車上、一個人在回家的路上、一個人在辦公室對著作不出來的spreadsheet發呆。﹝真怕自己變成「魔鬼代言人」裡面的律師老婆Marianne﹞

只能拿X檔案裡面Scully說過的一句話,來為這篇文章、甚至為這個產業中同事的關係作結尾:

“Though we’ve traveled far together, the last distance must necessarily be terribly alone.”

Lizzy 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言(14) 人氣()


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  • 梅安國
  • 我所謹記的Joni的教誨是:
    "I'm gonna make a lot of money, then I'm gonna quit this crazy scene."
  • Lizzy
  • 可是,在那首歌中,她"make her baby cry...",她為了所謂的"make a lot of
    money",放棄了對她真正好的人。

    "I’m so hard to handle. I’m selfish and I’m sad. Now I’ve gone
    and lost the best baby that I ever had. Oh I wish I had a river I
    could skate away on..."

    我只能衷心祝福你不會變成這樣的人...
  • spaghetti
  • 我還記得兩三年前leila跟我不約而同認為扭轉奇蹟一開始的尼可拉斯凱吉不是過得比較好
    嗎?哈哈~~~
  • 梅安國
  • 是這樣解釋的嗎?
    那兩段詞之間是因果關係嗎?
    作者跟你講述過歌曲背後的故事嗎?
  • Lizzy
  • To 梅安國,
    我自己亂解釋的呀,就像你的Tori,她的歌不是有幾萬種解釋。對我來說,那首歌太悲慘
    了,而那句"i'm gonna make a lot of money, and i'm gonna quit this crazy
    scene..."說真的,想要那樣做的人,鮮少成功吧,大多數都不是自己喊停的。

    To spaghetti,
    哈哈,我是說"About a Boy"(非關男孩)還是說"The Family Man"(扭轉奇蹟)?啊,無
    論如何,都有可能。但是當年...我年少輕狂呀!
  • wayfarer
  • 我確定有"About a boy"! 現在About a boy結局跟開頭哪個比較好我也不知道,唯一肯定
    的是,有個寫聖誕歌的老爸真的好!
  • spaghetti
  • 梅老師你生氣了喔~
    別生氣~
  • 梅安國
  • 我的tori? 我的鳥? 我沒有養鳥!也從不會想去解釋鳥唱的歌

  • 梅安國
  • 為慎重起見我過去兩天反覆聆聽這首引起爭議的歌曲,雖然我一向並不喜歡跟你作對或挑你
    毛病但還是不得不勇於提出指正。他講的才不是什麼為了賺錢而放棄對他真正好的人,根本
    一點關係都沒有... 你未免也搬弄是非張冠李戴得得太離譜了吧...該不會是在尋我開心
    吧?還衷心祝福我哩

    不過也要向你道謝,由於這次的機緣我才會把blue放進我的隨身聽裡用耳機聽,這才知道從
    前用音響聽錯過了何其多。我的版本是Reprise出的HDCD digitally remastered版,真
    的是一場聽覺的饗宴,太震撼了。DCC(Dunhill Compact Classics)有出過24K金CD的版
    本,我看我得買來體驗一下,想必會更令我無法招架。
  • Lizzy
  • Alright, you force me to deal with it seriously. @_@

    I think the song "river" is definitely talking about escapism,
    and the feeling that "can't feel any happiness when everybody
    else is celebrating or content with what they own".

    And I believe it has something (well, everything acaully) to do
    with the thing one desires most. Maybe relationships with
    parents, kids, lovers, friends, or even one's true self. To me,
    it means that someone is in deep regret about the loss of the
    most treasured thing while realizing it's partly his/her own
    doing.

    The singer is stuck in somewhere that doesn't snow and thus no
    magic feeling of Xmas. Yet again, he put himself in that
    scenario.

    To make an easy interpretation, I often describe it as "choosing
    material comforts over one's love".
  • 梅安國
  • I fully agree with everything you said this time. This is exactly my
    interpretation as well. In fat I could not have articulated it any
    better myself.

    What I don’t agree with is your remark from last time, saying that
    she has hurt and estranged her loved one in the pursuit for fortune,
    that she “lost the best baby” because she wanted to “make a lot of
    money.” In my view there is no cause-effect relationship between the
    lines “I’m gonna make a lot of money…” and “I made my baby cry.”
    Note the tense of these two statements – the former is present tense
    and the latter, along with all the other lines where she talks about
    her baby, is past tense. I think she is simply saying, this place
    sucks, and I’ve lost the love of my life, now I just wanna make some
    money and get out this place forever.
  • 梅安國
  • She did NOT break her baby’s heart because she was a greedy
    insatiable workaholic – or even if that was indeed the case, the song
    does not tell us. All that the song tells us is that she made her
    baby cry because she was hard to handle and selfish and sad. And now
    that she’s lost her love, she feels remorseful and miserable but
    can’t do anything except plunge into work, telling herself to make a
    lot of money in hope of getting away from this depressing scene
    someday.

    Hope I’ve explained myself clear enough… now I have to get back to
    work...
  • Lizzy
  • Ha-ha I think I have a tendency to spin a whole story when I'm
    listening to a song.

    When I listen to "river", I sometimes thought of a girl, who made a
    choice few years ago, decided that she want to leave her home town and
    her loved one for better chance and living standard. She made
    her "mediocre" baby cry and say goodbye. And now, she's with
    her "better chance", nice paycheck and even a boyfriend of great
    consequence. But she's not happy at all and starts to miss her past.
    And what can she do? Nothing. She's stuck in here and the show must go
    on. All she can do is to speed up the pursuing of better life and get
    it over with. She doesn't want to suffer for her own mistakes any
    more...
  • 梅安國
  • I don't know why you had to devilize the protagonist and make it all about money...
    could it be that you are projecting your own story onto the song?

    Just kidding...

    Well I think you are really misled by the whole "make a lot of money" line... my take of
    the song is not much different from yours except in my version it never had anything to
    do with a bigger paycheck or a better lifestyle or anything to do with material needs...
    then again you're the big director/screenwriter... you can shoot the film anyway you
    want.